


Knock Knock, Nott

by Ghos-Tea (GhostJ)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Arcane Tricksters FTW!, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gross misuse of Tasha’s hideous laughter, Humor, No beta we post like Critters, Puns & Word Play, Team Dynamics, Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-24 19:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14961077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostJ/pseuds/Ghos-Tea
Summary: Knock knock.Who’s there?Not Nott.Not Nott, who?It’s not Nott; she’s too busy training!Everyone in the Mighty Nein needs to train, but not everyone trains the same way.Especially not Nott.(Note - no other ‘knock knock’ jokes were hurt in the production of this fic, however the same cannot be said for one-liners and puns).





	1. Nott your typical training program

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that I promised a dear friend _ages_ ago, I hope it makes you laugh as much as you've made me :)  
>  Every chapter is a standalone ficlet following the theme, although everything after 5 is technically "+".  
> Unbeta’d so please keep that in mind (and let me know if you catch any mistakes!)
> 
> I own nothing at all to do with Critical Role or Geek and Sundry; just very respectfully and happily playing in their wheelhouse for a bit, and I do not give permission for this, or any other of my works, to be posted on GoodReads, remixed or posted outside of Archive of Our Own.
> 
> If you like it, please consider leaving a kudo or a comment - it's always well appreciated :D

Jester flopped down beside Nott, panting slightly with exertion.

” _Noootttt_ ," the teifling singsonged, as she caught her breath. “You should come and train with us.”

”Now Jester-” The goblin sighed, her eyes fixed on the flower-crown she was deftly weaving with her claws. 

“ _Noooooooo_. There is no ‘Now Jester’," Jester interrupted, flailing a tired hand to poke listlessly at her friend. “Look, everyone else is doing it.”

Indeed, everyone else _was_ doing it.

The rest of the Mighty Nein were darting around the clearing they’d stopped in overnight, obstensively working out the kinks of a night spent out under the stars. But really, with no immediate danger and a guaranteed job from The Gentleman in three days time, most were taking the chance to try some new moves, or polish old ones. 

“ _Oh gods_. Fjord! How do you make it _stop?!_ ” 

Jester and Nott both stared with unconcerned eyes as Mollymauk reappeared several feet away from where Yasha was patiently waiting for him to strike. Just as she had been for several minutes.

”See?” Jester needled. “It is ok if you try something and suck at it. You will get better! And probably get better at it much faster than Molly.”

“Are we talking about getting better at sucking things?” Molly asked as he appeared beside them, this time managing to control the jump enough to give a rogueish wink before he disappeared with a curse. 

Jester giggled at Nott’s thoughtful expression as they watched their friends’ antics. 

“Is. Everything. Alright?” Caleb puffed as he jogged slowly over to them. 

“Jester was just suggesting that I do a bit of _training_  with the party.” Nott said, staring off at a point just beyond the wizard’s left ear. “What do _you_ think, Caleb?”

“Ah?” Caleb paused, staring down at her, either considering his response or too winded to string together words. 

“I know it makes it hard for you-” Nott continued, only to be cut off by Jester’s shout. 

“Wait... _Caleb!_ ” Jester snarled as she sprung to her feet to confront the, still wheezing, wizard standing in front of them. 

The wizard who, startled, immediately jerked backwards, lost his footing and collapsed sideways, just as Beauregard lept to spring onto his back. 

As Beau and Jester toppled onto the ground in a cacophony of shrieks, Caleb recovered enough to drag himself, unnoticed, to Nott’s side.

“I won’t do it, if you don’t want me to.” Nott assured him, lifting up the finished flower-crown with a hopeful expression on her face. 

Caleb flopped down fully beside her, curling around her back in a manner not unlike his familiar. He gave the crown an expressive look of distaste, but positioned his head within easy reach. She carefully wove the crown into his hair while they kept an eye on the developing mayhem. 

“I do not think it could do any further harm.” He grumbled, even as he slumped further into the soft grass, exhausted. “Just... Be careful, _mein schatz._ ”

They watched with eerily similar expressions of judgement as Beau went flying across the field, bleeding profusely from several wounds, smacking into Molly, knocking his sword from his grasp, and sending it tumbling to rest at Yasha’s feet. 

“I feel like maybe I should start with Fjord?” Nott suggested tentatively, eyeing the half-orc as he sauntered over to check on the condition of their party members and arbitrate whether or not that counted as a hit. She patted Caleb on the head as the human snored, now fast asleep, tucked against her side.  “Glad you agree, Cay-Cay.”


	2. A Fjord Tough Audience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott vs. Fjord

“Now, Nott. Are yah sure yah wanna do this?” Fjord asked, his eyes locked on the diminutive figure in front of him. 

“What?! You think I _couldn’t_  take you?” The rogue snarled, brandishing one of her numerous, but small, daggers at the warlock. “Just you wait! You won’t be so pretty once I’m done with you!”

”Now, there’s no call for that,” Fjord admonished, switching his falchion to his left hand to waggle a finger at her.   
He then blinked slowly and shook his head as if to clear it. “Did you just try to intimidate-”

”Hey, Fjord! Did the sailor have a problem with the ship’s wheel in his pants?” Nott asked, ducking to the left. 

“Huh?” Fjord fumbled his falchion slightly as he tossed it back to his dominant hand, only just managing to block Nott’s jabs. 

“For sure! He said ‘It’s driving me nuts!’” 

Fjord stared down at the goblin for several long seconds.

”I- I should have started with Beau, shouldn’t I?” Nott asked tentatively, looking rather abashed.

“I can’t say I quite understand what’s goin’ on, but I do feel suddenly very motivated to smack yah with the flat of this here falchion.” Fjord’s drawl was a bit more pronounced than normal, although in confusion or annoyance, it was hard to say. 

Nott hummed consideringly. “Did the sailors jump overboard when they saw a hand reaching out of the water?”

”Look, Nott. If yah ain’t gonna take this _seriously_ -” Fjord snapped at her as she danced around him, looking for an opening. 

“No, it was just a little wave!” 

Fjord sighed, closing his eyes to rub the bridge of his nose while simultaneously swinging down to block the goblin's next thrust. 

Nott retreated just out of arms’ reach. “Best two out of three?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jokes taken/adapted from [HERE](http://www.ybw.com/features/a-pirate-walks-into-a-bar-jokes-from-the-deep-blue-sea-15550#y56LXrZObxFqd87C.99)
> 
>  **It’s Driving Me Nuts!**  
>  An ‘ol salt swaggers into a bar.  
> He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.  
> The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”  
> The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”  
> ————
> 
>  **A Little Wave**  
>  Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.  
> “What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”  
> “No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”


	3. Hide'n Beau Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott vs. Beau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning - I'm totes sick.  
> This one might be even rougher than normal.
> 
> Also additional warning for Beau's potty mouth.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Beauregard singsonged under her breath as she moved quietly, stealthily, like a super-fucking-ninja or something, through the woods.

They’d been “playing” for almost 40 minutes, and the sun was almost fully set now, but she refused to give up. Beau knew that Nott was here, _somewhere_ , and all she had to do was spot the little green cretin, which she could totally do – even _without_ her goggles.

The monk ducked down and, trusting her instincts, slid behind a tree just as a fast projectile hit the forest floor with a _spludge_.

Beau looked at the combination of stale donut and oatmeal left over from breakfast and moved, like the _stealthiest,_ around the tree’s trunk to hopefully get a better vantage point.

“Hey, Beau! How can you tell if someone’s a monk?”

Beau tried to pinpoint the voice’s origin, but it had gotten too dark, and the goblin was hella sneaky when she tried. Beau wasn’t sure why Nott was suddenly risking her position, but maybe the rogue was getting bored of her game.

“I don’t know, Nott. How can you tell?” Beau chanced a reply, figuring that, since Nott undoubtedly already knew where she was, it was in _her_ best advantage to keep the goblin talking for as long as it took to figure out where the brat was hiding.

“They have _kickin’_ bods!”

“Come on, Nott!” Beau groaned. “If you’re gonna take me out, just do it! Don’t make me suffer. Your jokes are as bad as Caleb’s smell!”

Beau looked up in the general area she thought Nott’s voice was coming from and caught a brief glimmer of metal in the tree’s boughs. Beau chuckled; trust Nott to draw a real weapon when someone insulted her boy.

“Well, then." There was a definite edge to Nott's voice now. "What did the monk say when asked about the meaning of life?”

Beau smiled evilly to herself and, wedging her fingers into the tree’s rough bark, began to silently climb up the opposite side of the trunk from where Nott was perched.

“Nothing!” Nott finished. “Get it?! The monk said ‘Nothing’, 'cause _real_ monks don't talk!”

"Nothing!" Nott turned around just as Beau crested the top of tree. The goblin squealed and instinctively took a step back, over the edge. But, luckily, Beau was able to reach out and grab onto the front of her shirt before she fell onto the ground below.

“I’m gonna make you _eat_ those pellets.” Beau growled, pulling Nott towards her and snatching her goggles back with her other hand.

The goblin stared at her for a moment with evident disbelief and a clear smudge of oatmeal at the side of her mouth. “Ok?”

“Just- Just shut up.” Beau mumbled, embarrased, of course - Nott had probably been snacking on the disgusting things this whole time. _God, failed intimidate checks were the worst._ “And when I say 'shut up' I mean no more jokes either!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jokes taken / adapted from:
> 
> [Jokes4Us.com: Karate Jokes](http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/karatejokes.html)  
> Do you know karate?  
> Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin'.
> 
> [Reddit: Can we get a monk-joke thread going?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/3uzyjh/can_we_get_a_monkjoke_thread_going/)  
> What did one monk say to the other monk when asked about the meaning of life?  
> Nothing.  
> He hasn't spoken in 25 years.  
> 


	4. Vicious 'Mauk'-ery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott vs. Yasha and Molly
> 
> I seriously tried to write something without any hints at pairings... HA!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yep, very much with the sick y'all.  
> Sorry for the delay, I did not think it would take me this long to just _type_ the bloody thing.  
>  One more chapter though and then it's the bonuses!

Nott stared up at Yasha, meeting the barbarian's impassive gaze, even as Mollymauk clung to the larger woman's side, howling in laughter.

"I said," Nott cleared her throat before trying again. "Why does Molly's height make him more worried about bounty hunters?"

The teifling in question let out a fresh gale of laughter, the air around him crackling with arcane energy as he muttered choked off words in infernal between guffaws. This time, he lost his purchase on Yasha and fell to the ground, doubling over with laugher.

"It's because he's a short medium at large." Nott paused and repeated tentatively. "A short medium... At large?"

The barbarian reached out and rested a large, comforting hand on the goblin’s head.

"I'm sure it's a very good joke, Little One." Yasha said, sounding entirely regretful. "I'm sorry I don’t understand it. I'll try harder next time, ok?"

Nott's ears pulled back, and she wrung her hands together in clear distress.

"I'M SORRY! I'm sorry... You win, _ok?_ " Nott looked close to tears as she dropped her gaze from Yasha's face to the ground. "It's not you, it's- _It's me!_ I thought I was ready, but I guess I wasn't."

Nott let out a big sigh, her small shoulders dropping in defeat.

"Don't worry, Nott." Molly rubbed tears out of his eyes as he heaved himself into a sitting position, electing to lean against Yasha's legs as he caught his breath. "Yasha's earnestness has defeated _many_ a foe." 

The tiefling smiled slyly at the goblin before looking up archly at his large barbarian friend. "In fact, I'm sure that our dear Beauregard would be more than willing to commiserate with you any time."

Yasha looked down at Molly questioningly and then to Nott at the tiefling’s continued sly smile. “I- Uh - I still don't get it?" She said, giving Nott one final pat before letting her hand drop so she could pull Molly, gently, to his feet.

"Let's just say that _blue_ isn't my favourite colour anymore.” The monk in question grouched from beside the fire pit, where she was working on dinner with the rest of the party. “Fuck, I know that’s not how it actually works, Jester, alright? But I’d swear mine are so blue Molly could use ‘em to write poetry about Caleb's eyes."

"Oh," Yasha made a considering noise as she turned back to the now chuckling, confused, or embarrassed group around the fire, fixing her eyes on Beau. "Well, if blue isn't your favourite colour anymore... Perhaps I could help you choose a new one?"

Beau let out a strangled moan, even as she made room for the larger woman beside her. "Sure, why the fuck not...”

Nott and Molly watched as Yasha, unperturbed, walked over to settle down beside the monk.

"Hey, Molly?" Nott asked as the tiefling dusted himself off, seeming equally unperturbed both by his earlier outburst and Beau’s insinuations. "What's the difference between Beauregard and a calendar?"

"I don't know, Nott." Molly replied, chuckling and giving Nott a large grin. "What is the difference between Beauregard and a calendar?"

"A calendar has dates!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure that Taliesin has described Molly as _compact_... But I could be hallucinating due to the cold medicine?  
>  In any case, _everyone_ is short in comparison to Yasha, so it still works!
> 
> Jokes adapted / stolen from:
> 
> [Circus Jokes and Riddles for Kids at Enchanted Learning](http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/circus.shtml)  
> Q: What happened when the short fortune-teller who escaped from prison?  
> A: She was a small medium at large!
> 
> [Best Dating Jokes Ever - Unijokes.com - 30 Dating Jokes](https://unijokes.com/dating-jokes/)  
> Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar?  
> A: A calendar has dates.


	5. Neins' High and Jesters’ Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott vs. Jester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the title guys, I couldn’t help myself (which is pretty much this here fic in a nut shell).
> 
> Well here we are, on the final chapter! There is more to come – a whole slew of bonus chapters will be added, both immediately and as the actual canon progresses. I decided to bring the chapter count back down to 5 though, as this was supposed to be the final chapter. So just know that there will be additional chapters added later (including an extended coda to this chapter), but here is the “end”.
> 
> Thanks so much for your comments and kudos, I hope you’ve enjoyed this wacky pun-ishing romp. I had a lot of fun writing it :)

“Ok, it’s my turn now!” Jester said excitedly, clapping as the Mighty Nein put the finishing touches on the night’s camp. They were several days from the purported location of the bandit camp they were set to eradicate. And, although it was slow going on foot, it was a warm evening, and everyone was in high spirits.

Seeing that the camp was nearly set up, the cleric looked around and, spotting Nott, immediately rushed at the unsuspecting goblin.

“Jester! _What are you doing?!_ ” Caleb ran over and placed himself between the two of them, stopping the cleric just short of grabbing the rogue.

“ _It isn’t fair._ ” Jester pouted, moving to step around the wizard. “Nott has trained with _everyone_ else!” The teifling stomped her foot in evident frustration, only missing Caleb’s toes by dint of his increased dexterity from training “à la Beau” for the past several weeks.

“She’s been doin’ what, now?” Fjord asked as the others took notice of the altercation, although he elected to stay sitting near the fire for now. “I mean, I know Nott'd been trying to do some training with Beau. But, and no offence meant Nott, I hadn’t thought it’d been goin’ too well. She did catch 'er, after all.”

“But that’s because Nott is training _differently_.” Jester said, with all the annoyed condescendence of a frustrated camp counsellor. “And she got Molly _soooo good_ last week. So, she should try on me next!”

Jester pressed herself against Caleb and made grabby hands at the small goblin standing behind him. The wizard’s face immediately turned a vibrant red, but he didn’t move until Nott tugged on his pants and gave him a tight smile paired with a decisive nod.

“Ok,” Nott said, standing up to her full, diminutive height as she shooed Caleb off to join the others. “Come at me, br- _AH!!_ ”

The goblin gave a shriek and darted away, as Jester once again launched at her, the teifling’s hands crackling with bright arcane energies, as the others congregated around the fire, hoping to stay out of the fray.

“Why do healers bring red ink to check on their party members?” Nott called over her shoulder once she’d made some distance between her and the cleric. “It’s in case they need to draw blood!”

Jester gave a snort of laughter, her cantrip shooting wide. “That’s good, Nott!” She cheered even as she concentrated, calling forth her spiritual weapon and sending it hurtling towards the dodging rogue.

“Now seriously, Jester,” Fjord chided, as he and Yasha scrambled to put out the small brush fire from the botched sacred flame. “Don’t you think that’s a bit much?”

“FIGHT CLUB!” Beau cheered from where she was sitting beside Molly, a steady stream of coins moving between them as the fight progressed.

“She’s gotten _very_ good, I think.” Jester singsonged, the lollipop leaving small craters in Nott’s wake as it smashed into the ground. “ _Buuuuut,_ she needs more practice with _serious_ magic users.” The tiefling spared a moment to glare over her shoulder at Caleb. The wizard didn’t respond, and, in fact, had yet to move an inch from where Nott had sent him at the start of the fight.

Nott took advantage of Jester’s brief distraction to catch her breath for another volley. “What did the woman who couldn’t get pregnant say about going to the healer?” The goblin made a tight turn into the lollipop’s threat zone, heading straight towards the cleric as she finished. “That it was more effective without her husband!”

Jester let out a peal of ringing laughter, her weapon _poofing_ into a shower of glitter as she lost concentration on the spell. The sparkles cascaded down on Nott as the goblin closed with the, now chortling, tiefling.

The party’s other tiefling took the lack of “parental supervision” to sidle up beside their resident wizard. “Don’t worry, _darling_. As an expert in the field, I can safely say that Nott’s gotten _very_ good at reading her audience.” Molly said, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Ok, Caleb? _Caleb?_ ”

“Ok, Nott, this one is for _all_ the donuts, _yeah?_ ” Jester strode forward to meet the goblin’s charge, dashing tears from her eyes as she called dark energy to her fingertips.

Nott nodded as she bore down on her friend, “What’s the difference between a healer and a wizard?” The goblin cried, readying herself as Jester reached out towards her. “A healer can bury their mistakes, but a wizard can only advise people to cast disguise person!”

Time seemed to pause as Jester took a deep breath and suddenly Mollymauk was there between them, appearing out of thin air to grab Jester’s hand; stopping the cleric’s lunge as he locked eyes with Nott.

 _“We’ve got a situation!”_ He tugged on the other tiefling’s wrist and spun her, pointing back towards the fire at the seemingly catatonic Caleb.

“Oh, SHIT! Caleb? _CALEB?!”_ Nott yelled as she raced towards her wizard. “Quick! _Get away from the fire!”_

The others, who had been approaching Caleb, concern written clear across their faces, quickly obeyed Nott’s frantic shout, stepping back to give the wizard and the fire a wide berth.

“Nott! What is wrong?” Jester asked, now towing Molly behind her as she quickly outpaced the blood-hunter. “Should I try to heal him?”

Nott, who hadn’t taken her eyes off of Caleb, saw his full body shudder and screamed “ _GET DOWN!!_ ”, flinging herself to the earth.

The others scrambled to obey, as Caleb’s mouth opened –

And the wizard dissolved into a fit of giggles.

 _“WHAT THE FUCK, NOTT?!”_ Beau yelled from her position draped across Yasha’s back, having thrown herself over the larger woman. “I swear, if this is another _fucking_ jo-”

**_BOOOOOOOM_ **

The fire, once a small gentle blaze, exploded; scattering ashes and embers across the campsite, levelling their tents and launching a fireball, clear the size of a small house, into the sky.

“Oh no…” Nott moaned as she stood up, rubbing at her ears to clear the ringing, her eyes fixed on the lightly smoldering, but still-chortling, wizard. “He did it _again_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jokes adapted / stolen from:
> 
> [20 Funniest Jokes for Nurses - NurseBuff](https://www.nursebuff.com/funniest-nurse-jokes/)  
>  **Joke #7: “Magic Markers”**  
>  Q: Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?  
> A: In case they have to draw blood.
> 
> [Medical Jokes: The Faith Healer](http://jokes.variousstuff.net/joke/441.html)  
>  **The Faith Healer**  
>  Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.
> 
> "I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."
> 
> "I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
> 
> "You must tell me what you did."
> 
> "I went to a faith healer."
> 
> "But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
> 
> The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."
> 
> [The Architect Can Only Advise His Clients to Plant Vines](https://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/05/03/architect-vines/)  
> The doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.  
> \- Frank Lloyd Wright


	6. Too Cool for Coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coda to chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o!  
> So, here's the coda/directors addition to chapter 5, you should definitely read that before this? As otherwise, it won't make a lick of sense!  
> I mean - if you haven't been reading this through up until this point, probably none of this will make sense, but that's likely also fine as that's not what this is here for ;)

> _“Oh no…” Nott moaned as she stood up, rubbing at her ears to clear the ringing, her eyes fixed on the lightly smoldering, but still-chortling, wizard. “He did it _again_.”_

 

 _"Verze- Verzeihung.”_ Caleb gasped, fighting for breath in between girlish giggles, tears streaming down his face. “ _Es tu_ -. Ah. _Sorry._ I am. Sorry.”

Nott cautiously made her way over to the wizard, keeping a weather eye on the cheerfully blazing inferno where their campfire used to be. Caleb, who had slowly been getting himself under control, took one look at her and launched into a new set of, more than slightly hysterical, giggles.

“Ha- Ha- _Disguise person_.” Caleb chortled, shaking with laughter as the fire continued to pulse in time with his outbursts.

“Well, Jester.” Fjord gingerly got up and made his way over to the pile of tieflings on the ground. “I’d say that explains some of Nott and Caleb’s reticence to practicing, no?” He drawled, smiling down at the sight of the well-meaning, but somewhat interfering, cleric getting her comeuppance.

“ _Nooooo_ ,” Jester whined as she untangled herself from Molly and took Fjord’s outstretched hand to help her to her feet. Almost tugging the warlock down on top of her before she remembered to pull her strength. “That just means we need to practice _more_.”

“I tend to agree,” Molly said, having taken a moment to arrange himself in an artful sprawl on the ground while he waited for someone to oblige _him_ with a hand. “I mean the little one is funny for sure,” He said, as Jester and Fjord took notice and hoisted him up; he gestured at the destruction around them. “But this is a bit ridiculous, even for us.”

They wandered back over to the fire, which although calming down, was still several sizes too large for the space it was originally meant to safely occupy.

“See, Beau?” Yasha asked from where she was still partially covered by the monk, craning her head so she could see the others approaching. “I think it’s safe to stand up now.”

“Maybe we could wait another 5 minutes?” Beau suggested gently, seeming incredibly comfortable sprawled across the larger woman’s torso, even as she directed a murderous glare at the faces Molly and Jester were making at her as they approached. “Better safe than sorry, am’I’right?”

Yasha sighed and sat up, easily lifting up under the smaller woman, the movement sliding the monk to sit in the barbarian’s lap.

“Thank you for trying to protect me, but are _you_ alright?” Yasha asked, concerned as she reached out to tuck some of Beau’s hair behind the monk’s ear, several strands having come loose when she’d lunged on top of the barbarian. “You didn’t get burned, did you? It’s just, your face seems very red.”

Beau groaned and dropped her face into her hands, to better hide her blush, but made no move to leave the barbarian’s lap, even at the chuckles from her teammates.

“Look,” Beau groused, waving a dismissive hand at the party and pointing towards Caleb and Nott nearer the fire. “Can’t we go back to dealing with the awkward one who almost _killed everyone_?”

“Caleb did no such thing!” Nott snarled, putting herself between the party and her boy. “He’s just very… _sensitive_.”

The wizard in question finished wiping his face and handed Nott back her handkerchief, looking exceedingly embarrassed, but far more control of himself.

“Thank you, _Schatz_.” He said, smiling down at the goblin standing guard. He took a deep breath, sneaking a look at the party, before quickly looking at the ground, shamefaced.

“Waaaait…” Jester singsonged, skipping over, all traces of her previous concern gone. She giggled as Caleb averted his gaze all over the camp as she tried to make eye contact with him. “You aren’t _sorry_ you almost killed everyone; you are _embarrassed_ you find her jokes _so_ funny!”

Fjord snickered as what little tension had been over the party broke and he moved to start collecting their equipment from around the fire. He was relieved that most everything looked salvageable and unbroken, including all of them. “Now, it’s well known that it’s not easy to be _cool_ with your parent-”

“ _N-Nein!_ ” Caleb stammered, interrupting the teasing to look at them all incredulously. “ _I am not trying to be COOL._ _I- I-_ Did you not see, what I just did?!”

“It took him two days to calm down last time.” Nott said, consolingly patting Caleb’s knee. “I had to steal a sand bucket.”

“Awwww, it’s _soooo_ cute.” Jester gushed, her hands clasped tight in front of heart. “You think she is _so_ funny! _You are such a good boy, Caleb.”_

“Wha-” Caleb started to respond, however he was distracted by Nott’s urgent tugging on his pants.

“If you’re ok now, and they aren’t going to try to kill us; we should go.” The goblin urged. “ _People_ are probably going to come looking.”

“Come looking for the source of the _giant_ fireball?” Beau snorted sarcastically, from where she was now helping Yasha wrap up their, helpful already downed, tents. “I’m sure _no one_ is going to do that.”

“ _Ja,_ we should move on _._ ” Caleb took another deep breath, centering himself. The fire behind him snuffing out as he gave the party a grateful smile at their evident dismissal of this, most recently exposed, particularity.

With their packs strapped back on, the party began moving away from the destruction, keeping a slow, but steady pace under the dim light of the waning moon.

Molly dropped back beside Caleb, ostensibly to help the night-blind human as he was often wont.

“Say, Caleb? If you are feeling tried, you could sit down for a _spell_.” The tiefling said, a wicked gleam in his eyes as Caleb snorted a laugh, the wizard looking aghast as a small spark escaped from his lips as he chuckled. Caleb’s expression immediately turned to honest terror as Jester, having caught sight of the spark, bounced over.

“Ohhhh,” The cleric said, clapping happily and looking like she’d just heard that every store in the next town was a bakery/joke shop. “We can do _sensitivity training?!_ This will be the _BEST. TRAINING. EVER!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of puns!  
> We're winding down through my notes, etc. and there's definitely gonna be a long pause after the next chapter as that's the last one I have written :)


	7. A Ridicule of 'Knock'ing Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nott vs(?) Kiri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Additional warning for language on this one. Just an FYI there folks.
> 
> Also - I might have lied about no other knock knock jokes being involved with this fic...  
> Did you know a group of mockingbirds can be called an echo, _or a ridicule?!_

“Knock knock”

“Knock knock”

“No, Kiri! That’s not how this goes; I know you’re doing it wrong on purpose!”

“Now, Nott. You know that Kiri’s only able to repeat what you’ve said to her.” Fjord said placatingly, as he pushed open the door to “his” room at the inn.

The warlock had long since learned that his room would eventually become the impromptu common room for the Mighty Nein, no matter what the setup of the actual inn or tavern they found themselves in, so he wasn’t overly surprised that someone had wandered in while he’d been out. Jester had once tried to explain it to him, as she hung upside down off of his bed while braiding Yasha’s hair, that it was easier to relax knowing that he’d keep an eye on things, so nothing would get _too_ far out of hand. He assumed that her teasingly referral to him as _dad_ was meant as a kindness, but, considering the Mighty Nein’s overall record regarding father figures and the shenanigans they _did_ get up to under his gaze, he’d mostly just made a habit of keeping his true valuables on his person and leaving a bit of paper and a few buttons lying around to keep their most “enterprising” occupied if he wasn’t around.

“Jokes are hard for Kiri,” Fjord continued as he shut the door behind him. “You can’t honestly expect her t’participate until you give her the punchline.”

“I did!!” Nott brandished one of her smaller daggers at him and glared at the girl nesting in a pile of feathers on his bed. Although with Molly’s bed still covered in, well, Molly, the tiefling sleeping off whatever he and Beau had gotten up to the night before, Fjord could understand why his bunk had once again ended up “communal”.

Nott continued, emphasising her words with small jabs of her dagger, “I said, ‘Knock knock’, ‘who's there?’ ‘hoo’, ‘hoo, who?’, ‘No silly, you’re not an owl!’”

Fjord let out a long breath and looked down at their seemingly unconcerned and unruffled companion. “Maybe, it’s just not very funny?” He hazarded, stepping towards the desk so he could shrug off his coat - not at all looking to manoeuvre the room’s small stool between him and Nott.

“It is!!” Nott affirmed, sounding angry enough to spit nails. “Why, Caleb had to leave the room earlier! What with Kiri’s feathers, you know...”

“ _Schiesse_ ,” Kiri said in Caleb’s voice; the wizard’s voice thick with affection, although he was obviously straining to hold back laughter. “We are not going to be responsible for burning down _another_ inn, just because you think you are _so_ funny.”

Fjord gave Nott a speaking glare when she mentioned Caleb’s presence, although he was careful to maintain his distance. “Come on, Nott; you know better than that. No funny stuff or _funny stuff_ so close-”

“To the alcohol. Yes, I _too_ was there when the party _strongly_ "suggested” those rules.” Nott waved a dismissive hand, though not the one holding the knife. “But, it would be _so_ funny if we could make it work and Kiri almost got it that first time, but, since then, we can’t get passed ‘knock knock’.”

“Knock knock,” Nott’s voice repeated from the girl on the bed.

“Ahhh, Nott...” Fjord hazarded a look back at Kiri, who looked about as smug as a large bipedal crow could and, shrugging mentally, decided to leave them to it. It was an innocent enough jest, no matter who was taking the brunt of it, and their youngest member had had little reason to smile as of late. “You know what, never mind, I’m sure y’all’ll be able to figure it out.”

Nott gave the warlock a suspicious glare and Fjord breathed a sigh of relief as the goblin sheathed her dagger, turning back towards his bed.

“Knoooock knooooock,” Kiri singsonged with Jester’s voice as Nott moved to settle back beside her.

“I guess y’all’ve been doing this a while, haven’t you?” Fjord hedged, looking at his bed with no small amount of longing. “Maybe I could give it a go? We could show her how it’s done.”

 _“No, thank you_.” Nott said haughtily. “I learned my lesson last time; your sense of humour is all wet!”

“All wet, all wet!” Kiri parroted, her black, beady, eyes fixed on Fjord as she did so.

“Well then, I’ll just leave you two to it, shall I?” Fjord hissed a breath around his tusks, affronted.  He shrugged to himself though, and started moving to tidy the space up from the rigors of the day. And Molly.

“Ok, Kiri. One more time.” Nott said, more encouragingly than Fjord had ever heard her with anyone other than Caleb. “Knock knock.”

“Knock knock.”

“God-fucking-dammit, someone open that mother- _fucking_ -piece-of-crap door already!”

“God-fucking-dammit, someone open that mother- _fucking_ -piece-of crap door already!” Kiri repeated in Beau’s voice, although it was slightly muffled by the wall between the two rooms.

“ _Seriously?!_ You _goddamn_ dragon-fucking, staff-chomping, lich-sucking whores! It’s been _3 hours_ already! Cut it the fuck out, _you fucking troll fuckers!_ ” The monk snarled, her words slurring slightly.

“Cut it the fuck out, _you fucking troll fuckers!_ ” Kiri chirped.

“Hmmm,” Nott hummed into the silence that followed, turning to look questioningly at Kiri. The goblin completely ignored Fjord, who, although he’d heard plenty of _salty_ language in his time, was frozen in place staring at the wall, Molly’s pants slipping from his fingers back to the floor. “Maybe we should stop for now? Honestly, I’d only give that one an eight out of ten; barely worth repeating.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! As mentioned, this is likely to be the last one for a while as this is the last of the batch currently scripted :)  
> Apologies in advance for the potential (and likely) pause as I wait for other characters to be introduced as fodder for Nott's jokes.
> 
> HAPPY CANADA DAY!!
> 
> Jokes stolen / adapted from:
> 
> Bird Knock Knock Jokes  
> Knock knock  
> Who's there?  
> Hoo.  
> Hoo who?  
> Are you a owl?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you are enjoying!


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